--- Space Opera ---
*Note to reader: Each character's lines are meant to be sung to the tune of the corresponding song. All are VERSES, not Chorus'(unless the lyrics continue all the way to the chorus which they do once or twice). If you don't know the songs, links are provided so you can listen. Unfortunately it's copy and paste cause I couldn't figure out how to embed the link... It's not imperative, but will allow for a more enjoyable experience.
Cast Of Characters:
Narrator - Exposition (American Pie)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U
Greek Chorus - Action explained (Bicycle Race)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpy4xNAnWzM
Ferruccio - Hero, ex-boyfriend of Giada (How Soon Is Now?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUMh8GQnDW8
Giada - Heroine, ex-girlfriend of Ferruccio (Barracuda)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bt_-R5LInU
Gaspare - Ferruccio's Pal (This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAzESJ62irI
The Zorg - Alien Mauraders (Star Wars - Imperial March)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_WERPN8KO8
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Narrator - Once upon a time/ Somewhere deep in outer space/ The Zorg’s from Zarmong were closing in.
And everyone on Starbase 9/ Was really quite afraid of dyin’/ They knew this was a battle they couldn’t win.
The Commander made a desperate plea/ he sent a messenger out to see
If a hero would come promptly/ to reverse this fait accompli.
And Giada sped off in her craft/ at her chances most folks would have laughed/
If she failed Starbase 9 would get the shaft/ She must convince Ferruccio!
Greek Chorus - So she thought/ and recalled/ and she screamed/ and she bawled/ and she was/ So appalled
Yes, Ferruccio used to be her boyfriend.
But with so/ much at stake/ she would have/ to forsake/ All the hate/ and heartache
Cause if Ferruccio could kill the Zorg and send his army to the morgue
It would be worth all the heartache!
Ferruccio! Ferruccio!
She really hated
Ferruccio! Ferruccio!
She really hated Ferruccio, she really hated him so
She really hated Ferruccio, but then again she just didn't know...
Narrator - She found him sitting at the bar/ beside his trusty pal Gaspare/ they were both drunk and in a foul mood.
Their parting had been rather bitter/ and neither one would reconsider/ especially since each thought the other rude.
Giada felt he’d been a slacker/ Ferruccio was so angry he wanted to attack her
This argument was a conclusion foregone/ the battle lines had been drawn
Ferruccio - I didn’t ask/ For you to come
Starbase 9 is so totally not my problem
And you certainly should not be one to condemn
So shut your mouth/ how can you say/ I go about things the wrong way
Maybe if you had been there for me/ then I might not disagree
Giada - Forget about us/ can’t we discuss
Starbase 9/ and all the people dyin’
Zorg will attack/ if you don’t act
I’m pleading/ please stop the bleeding
You’re such a narcissistic prick
Your selfishness just makes me sick
They’re gonna die, die, die, die, if you don’t come quick
Ohhhh! Ferruccio!
Ferruccio - You only say/ words that degrade
How can you act this way and expect me to come to your aid
In all these years you haven’t learned to persuade
I just don’t know/ what I should do/ the last thing I want to do is help you
Tell me Gaspare won’t you make all of this clear/ speak, friend, in my ear.
Gaspare - Finally/ I’m glad you asked me
I think that there is something that you are forgetting, my friend
Money, lot’s and lot’s of money
I see an opportunity for billing, I think we could make a killing
Let’s go to Starbase nine and save the day
Then take their cash and run away!
Giada - Mercenary/ you disgust me
You’ve got no class/ you greedy ass
Ferruccio/ you’ve got to know
The truth/ I still love you so
I didn’t want to tell you this
But it is only you I miss
I need it now, now, now, now, give me a kiss
Ohhhh! Ferruccio
Ferruccio - I didn’t know/ you felt this way
Giada, I love you more then I could ever say
Come with me now and we’ll go away
I’ll kill the Zorg/ I’ll kill them dead/ and then with thee I will wed
I've been so angry since the day you dumped me/ I've forgotten how much I love thee!
Narrator - Back to Starbase nine/ they hurried off only to find/ The Zorg’s had already broken through the gate.
All defenses had been smashed/ any hope of survival dashed/ it seemed our hero’s had returned too late.
Ferruccio took it in with a glace/ made up his mind to take a chance
He sat at the control panel/ and opened up a hailing channel
Then he winked at Giada who was perspiring/ And said to Gaspare as time was expiring
“I’ll do the flying and you do the firing/ Now let’s go kick Zorg ass!”
Greek Chorus - So they dipped/ and they wove/ and they lunged/ and they dove/ Gaspare fired/ Ferruccio drove
And the Zorg ships exploded into flames one by one!
Then the Zorg/ changed their path/ Ferruccio/ drew their wrath/ anyone/ could do the math
It was one ship against fifty-five/ there was no way they could survive
So Ferruccio hailed them!
Ferruccio - (On the radio to the Zorg) Now listen up/ alien scum
It seems that we are stuck in a conundrum
But I’m telling you, you better run
Zorg’s - (Over the radio) You will die. Go to hell! Go to hell! Kill you all. Go to hell! Go to hell! Show no mercy that is our philosophy. That is our philosophy. Go to hell! Go to hell!
Gaspare - Smack talk/ how dare you say that
Don’t you know that you are really gonna piss me right off right now
Angry, I’m getting angry
You’ve enraged this here bombardier it’s Hiroshima that you’re nearing
Outer space ain’t big enough for all of us
And it ain’t me who’s gonna leave!
Greek Chorus - So they dipped/ and they wove/ and they lunged/ and they dove/ Gaspare fired/ Ferruccio drove
But the Zorgs closed in on Ferruccio’s space craft!
Zorg - You will die! Go to hell! Go to hell!
Ferruccio - Now listen up/ alien scum
I’m telling you, you better run!
Zorg - Kill you all! Go to hell! Go to hell!
Gaspare - Outer space ain’t big enough for all of us
And it ain’t me who’s gonna leave!
Zorg - Show no mercy that is our philosophy. That is our philosophy. Go to hell! Go to hell!
Giada - Ohhhh! Ferruccio!
Narrator - Things looked pretty bleak/ as the battle ground down to an end/ the Zorgs were like a swarm of bees
The ship had taken many blows/ the shields were down the guns had froze/ Ferruccio searched for any advantage he could seize.
There was no way that they could last/ The ship couldn’t take another blast
They only had one last chance/ to engage the laser death dance
So, Ferruccio caught Giada’s eye/ said, “We’re gonna give this thing a try./ If it fails we’re all gonna fry./ Gaspare, let’s kick Zorg ass!”
And just as the Zorgs thought they had won/ Ferruccio’s craft started to hum
The laser death dance had commenced/ balls of fire were dispensed
Oh! It was one in a one million shot/ every Zorg ship exploded on the spot
And though it should have too, Ferruccio’s ship did not!/ And thus he saved the day!
And we were singing/ my, my that Ferruccio guy
Killed all the Zorg’s in the blink of an eye
Saved Starbase 9 so no one had to die
Then he married Giada and said goodbye!
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Comments are also MOST WELCOME
Inspired, my friend. This is wonderful. You really never cease to amaze me with your apparently endless stream of great ideas. You've nailed the genre, and what a perfect format. It's Wagnerian in tone and scale. Parts remind me of Bohemian Rhapsody.
ReplyDeleteIf I had any criticism at all, it would be that the change in Giada and Ferruccio from animosity to love is very sudden; perhaps you might plant a few lines earlier to indicate that they are both concealing their real feelings. Otherwise it's really jarring - I kept wondering if she was fooling him into returning and then would dump him at the end.
Brilliant, darling.
Just a few more!