Close up on JOE DENVER as he sits in his car that’s rolling down the street.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
I’m Joe Denver… Professional Con-artist.
As we pull back we see that Joe’s car, a new model expensive one, is being towed by AAA.
EXT. STREET – DAY – CONTINUOUS
The AAA GUY finishes lowering Joe’s car to the ground, gets in his truck, and drives off. Joe stands by his car waving.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
For the 100$ gold triple A membership I get unlimited
tows at 50 miles a pop. (pause) I haven’t bought gas in years…
INT. APARTMENT LOBBY – MAIL BOX
Joe stands by the mailboxes and sorts through a stack marked “OUTGOING MAIL”. He takes a few marked ‘NETFLIX’ while glancing about to make sure no one sees him.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
I prefer to think of myself as a gentleman of opportunity. And there are so many opportunities available if you know where to look.
INT. APARTMENT STAIRWAY
Joe is climbing his staircase toward his unit.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
I’ve been in this apartment for over ten years. It’s rent control. $900 a month.
INT. JOE’S APARTMENT
As Joe enters his place, his young roommate DAVE COOGAN walks by, says hi, and leaves for the day.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
That’s my roommate Dave. He pays $800 plus half the utilities and for this size place in this location, he’s ecstatic about that.
Joe stands at his kitchen table unloading his haul for the day. A few wallets, a watch, his netflix movies, some cash, etc.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
My motto is quantity over quality.
Then he takes his bag and empties it on the table and loads of knick-knacks come pouring out!
JOE (VOICE OVER)
Because you’re never sure what you might get.
Joe is looking at the netflix films he swiped. They are mostly movies no one would want to see, but the last one is something good.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
But, I usually do ok.
INT. BEDROOM – LATER
Joe lays on the bed in the dark of his tiny room before a HUGE TV. The light of the Tele dances off his face as he watches the film he stole.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
Yeah, life is pretty good. But there was always something missing.
INT. BEDROOM – NEXT DAY
Joe sits at his computer going through CRAIG’S LIST PERSONAL ADS.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
It’s so hard to weed out the good from the bad.
He looks bored, clicking through ads.
He suddenly lunges forward, grabs his keyboard and begins typing.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
Screw it! I’ll write everybody. (Pause) Of course I need to send a picture, too.
On the screen, we see a photo of Joe beside a photo of a male swimsuit model on photo shop. Suddenly Joes head floats over and covers the head of the model.
Joe clicks his mouse and leans back in his chair.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
Now, we wait.
It doesn’t take long before the email icon on his screen begins flashing and the number of new emails starts flying!
JOE
Let the dating begin.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Joe is walking to the local STREET CAFE to meet his date du jour.
EXT. STREET CAFE - CONTINUOUS
Joe is on his phone and as he reaches the outside tables, a YOUNG LADY, also on a phone, waves hello.
They both hang up, hug hello, and Joe sits across from her.
The two begin chatting and Joe reaches across the table and takes her hand.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
I really do want to fall in love with the woman of my dreams… But… Old habits die hard…
BEGIN MONTAGE
This might even have some silly ‘Monkee’s’ type music accompanying it like "I'm A Believer"
CLOSE UP:
Joes’ hand. He has removed the ring from the young lady’s finger!
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Joe and YOUNG LADY #2 are necking on the couch. Joe is nibbling her ear. She pushes him off and steps into her bedroom. Her arm comes out, finger wiggling for him to join her.
As the smile widens on his lips he subtly withdraws the DIAMOND EARRINGS he has removed from her ears and puts them in his pocket before following her.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Joe kisses YOUNG LADY #3 on the cheek and heads for the bathroom leaving her at a table with LOT’S of EMPTY PLATES.
TIME CUT:
The WAITER waives the check before young lady #3 and as she disgustedly searches her purse for her wallet to pay the bill. She realizes even more disgustedly that it’s not only her date that is missing.
CUT TO:
INT. YOUNG LADY #4 BEDROOM – NIGHT
Joe is dressing while YOUNG LADY #4 lies asleep on the bed. He grabs a couple of trinkets before exiting the room.
EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Joe walks to his car while dialing on his cell phone.
CLOSE UP:
AAA on the cell phone screen.
Joe leans against his car waiting while perusing his take for the night.
END MONTAGE
JOE (VOICE OVER)
But then, I met her.
EXT. STREET CAFE
Joe sits at a table with STEPHANIE. They are both laughing and having a great time.
CLOSE UP
Joe is fiddling with the WATCH on Stephanie's wrist, but then he sets her hand on the table, pats it, and leans back in his chair.
JOE
You are phenomenal. This is the best first date I've ever had.
Stephanie apparently agrees, but there's something she's holding back.
STEPHANIE
Yeah, I can't believe I feel such a
connection.
JOE
Me too. Can I... Can we...
I'd really like to see you again.
STEPHANIE
I'd really like to see you again.
But...
JOE
But?
She pauses, but then chuckles and gets up.
STEPHANIE
But, I have to go to the bathroom
I'll be back in a sec.
Joe watches her walk off while checking out her ass.
TIME CUT:
The waiter walks by and drops off the check.
Understanding has dawned on Joe.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
I didn't need to check the bathroom to know she wasn't there. Just as I didn't need to check my back pocket to know my wallet was missing.
EXT. STREET - MOMENTS LATER
Joe is walking home.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
Well, it wasn't the first time I'd been bitten by a con. But... I really liked her... And despite the fact that I know she was acting... I really think she liked me too.
Joe turns a corner, stops and looks up, making a decision.
JOE (VOICE OVER)
I suppose I should just forget about this whole thing...
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. JOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Joe speaks with DOUG, his best friend in con.
He has a photo that he shows Doug.
JOE
Thanks for helping, Doug. If anyone can track her down, I know you can. This is the picture she emailed me when we first met.
DOUG
Very cute. Well, if she's running cons in this city, we're gonna find her. Let's do it!
BEGIN MONTAGE #2
ELO - Evil Woman
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
MAN #1 stands irate at a table where a waiter holds a check and argues with him.
Joe and Doug interrupt and Doug shows the Man the photo. He pulls it from Doug's hand and shows it to the waiter, pointing angrily.
Joe and Doug exchange a knowing glance.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK - DAY
Joe and Doug come across a man (MAN #2) who is beaming happy, holding a VIOLIN. Doug shows him the photo and he nods his head smiling and points to a spot on the instrument.
CLOSE UP:
The signature on the violin reads "STATOVARIUS".
Doug wets his thumb and rubs it and the signature starts to rub off.
Man#2 looks shocked, and about to cry.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - DAY
Joe and Doug come across MAN#3 who is holding a sheaf of papers.
They show him the photo and he nods happily.
CLOSE UP: THE PAPERS
They are a new title for THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE
Doug pats him on the back as he and Joe exit.
MAN#3 waves goodbye happily.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM
Joe and Doug find the room filled with JAPANESE BUSINESS MEN who are in their underwear, bound and gagged.
Doug is showing them the photo of Stephanie and they are all nodding franticly.
Joe sighs in frustration at still not being able to find her.
The two leave the room.
Doug spots a GOLD WATCH on the dresser as he leaves and slyly SWIPES IT.
END MONTAGE
EXT. PARK - LATER
Joe and Doug are walking through the park.
DOUG
Man, this chick is really bad.
JOE
I know.
DOUG
I mean the cons she's pulling are awful.
JOE
Yeah.
DOUG
(Pause) If I was every gonna get married, she'd be the one.
JOE
Back off bro, she's mine!
DOUG
Well, it might not matter. I'm out of ideas. I don't think we're ever gonna find her.
Just at that moment Stephanie backs into Joe.
STEPHANIE
Ooops, sorry... Joe?
JOE
Stephanie?
They stand for a moment, each full of desire for the other and then...
Stephanie BOLTS!
Joe runs after her.
JOE
Wait! Stephanie! I don't care about my wallet.
They're making their way across the park and Stephanie's lead is getting bigger.
JOE
Stephanie! Come on!
Near the street there is a bike. Stephanie grabs it and jumps on.
Realizing he's just about to loose her Joe plays his final card.
JOE
Wait! I love you!
This freezes Stephanie in her tracks.
Joe uses his opportunity and closes the distance. Stephanie turns, but she's ready to bolt on the bike.
STEPHANIE
What are you talking about?
JOE
I had such a great time with you on our date. I realized it then. Look if you don't feel the same about me, just say it and I'll go, but I just had to tell you.
STEPHANIE
You know Joe, you're not the first guy who's wallet I've snatched.
JOE
I know. I've been following you for the last few days. I know about the Brooklyn Bridge, the Stratovarius, the Japanese business men.
STEPHANIE
And you still think you love me?
JOE
More then ever!
It's so obvious she wants him... but...
STEPHANIE
No. It'll never work out. I'm a liar. A cheat. A theif. Joe, I'm a con artist!
JOE
I know. So am I.
STEPHANIE
WHAT?!?!
JOE
Well, yeah...
STEPHANIE
Why didn't you say so?
And with that she drops the bike and jumps into his arms for a nice long kiss.
We hear the strains of THE WEDDING MARCH
JUMP CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - DAY
CLOSE UP:
Sign on the back of Joe's car reading "JUST MARRIED"
As we pull back we see a trail of cans that begin rattling as the car pulls off...
BEING TOWED BY A TRIPLE A TRUCK!
The PRIEST waves as they drive off. Then notices HIS WATCH IS MISSING!
THE END
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