Short Script #1 - The Vase

EXT. BRANTFORD RETIREMENT VILLAGE - DAY

Elderly people move about the grounds enjoying a beautiful sunny day. Some are playing cards, others enjoying a crafts class, while a few are just gossiping about the village.

A door opens and HENRY, late seventies, aged well, and exuding class strolls out.

HENRY
Goodbye Bob, I’ll be back soon.

Henry walks gayly down the path whistling a happy tune. Almost immediately he passes a window to another apartment where GERTI has her face pressed against the glass watching Henry go by.
INT. GERTI’S APARTMENT - DAY

Gerti, a sweet little old lady in her eighties, wearing her favorite flower dress, swoons as Henry walks by. When she can’t see him anymore, she lets out a dreamy sigh and returns to polishing her most prized possession. A CRYSTAL VASE.

GERTI
One day Henry Travers. One day soon, you’ll be mine.

She smiles and holds the vase up to the light to get a clear view and make sure its clean. The doorbell rings. Gerti carefully places the vase back on it’s pedestal.

FRONT DOOR

The door opens to JESSE, another elderly lady in her eighties sporting some cleavage and leg.

GERTI
Jessica. Come in, come in. That’s quite the look for you.

They make for the LIVING ROOM

JESSE
This old thing? I only wear this when I don’t care how I look.

GERTI
Can I get you something to drink?

JESSE
No, thank you. I really appreciate you seeing me on such short notice, but I have a big date tonight and my hair is such a mess. I just need a little bit of the old Gerti magic and I’m sure to win him over.

Jesse sits in a chair.

GERTI
If his eyes even get up to your head.

Gerti pulls out an apron and covers up Jesse’s ample cleavage.
Jesse spots the vase.

JESSE
Oh, Gerti, what a lovely pedestal you got for the vase.

GERTI
Why thank you Jesse. That vase really means a lot to me. Almost as much as the woman who got it for me.

Gerti squeezes Jesse’s shoulder.

JESSE
Well, it was the least I could do for the best hairdresser in the world... Who’s also my best friend.

The two women share a smile and then Gerti begins snipping away.

GERTI
So tell me about this date. I take it he’s a new one?

Jesse speaks animatedly making it very hard for Gerti to cut, but she seems used to this.

JESSE
Oh yes. I just met him yesterday on the shuffle board court.

GERTI
Another 50 year old baby?

JESSE
Nope. 75.

GERTI
75? You mean you’ve moved up from men thirty years younger then us to less then ten? He must be a real looker.

Jesse turns around happily, forcing Gerti to stop cutting.

JESSE
Oh Gerti! Attractive, classy, smart, sensitive, a widower... And I think he’s loaded.

Jesse turns back and Gerti continues.

GERTI
Sounds like quite a man. Well, with that dress and this new haircut, I’m sure you’ll have him grovelling at your feet in a jiffy.

JESSE
You can say that again. (Pause) You know you could have any man at your feet too... If you’d just come out some time and meet some people.

GERTI
Oh, that’s not my style. You know I’m shy.

JESSE
You’ve got to live a little!

GERTI
Well, for your information there is one man I have my eyes on.

JESSE
You sly fox. Who is he?

GERTI
He’s not from here, you wouldn’t know him. He’s a friend of Bob Johnson’s from across the way.

Jesse goes rigid.

JESSE
Bob’s friend? What’s his name?

GERTI
Well, if you must know it’s Henry. Henry Travers.

Jesse turns around again looking quite grave and serious.

JESSE
Have you spoken to him yet?

GERTI
Not yet. But he keeps passing my door coming and leaving Bob’s house and the next time I see him I’m going to ‘accidentally’ bump into him.

JESSE
Oh.

Jesse turns back forward in her seat.

JESSE
I need to tell you something Gerti.

GERTI
What’s that dear?

JESSE
We’ve been friends a long long time and so I know this will be ok.

GERTI
What do you mean?

JESSE
I mean Henry Travers is the man I’m dating tonight.

GERTI
What?!

Gerti is shocked. She takes a step back.

JESSE
Look. We’re both adults so I know we can handle this... Right?

Gerti regains her composure and begins cutting again.

GERTI
Of course.

JESSE
If it’s a case of may the best girl win I’m sure we’ll both be fair about this and let Henry decide.

Whisps of hair fall to the ground from Gerti’s shears.

JESSE
I mean, you’ve never even spoken to him and I have a date in a few hours.

Gerti’s expression sours.

JESSE
And I have such a huge advantage since I... Um... Entertain men so much more then you.

GERTI
You mean you’re a slut?

Jesse whips around.

JESSE
Gerti!

GERTI
Sorry.

Jesse turns back, but it’s clear she’s pleased by this.

JESSE
Anyway, I don’t think he’s right for you at all. He’s so classy and well, you’re...

Gerti is shocked. Slightly larger chunks of hair fall to the floor.

JESSE
I mean you’re very well versed and all... In bedtime stories that you read to your grandchildren... But Henry and I both read philosophy.

A large chunk of hair falls to the ground and suddenly Gerti takes the scissors in both hands like sheep shears and goes for the kill. Just then Jesse spins around, shocking her.

JESSE
I’ve got it! Tomorrow after Henry and I are a couple, we’ll both take you out and find you someone more suitable for you!

GERTI
(pure sarcasm)
Oh will you?

Before Jesse can answer, Gerti’s scissors dart forward and clip off half of Jesse’s bangs. Jesse gasps, jumps up, and runs to the mirror beside the pedestal, upsetting it and making the vase jiggle a bit.

JESSE
What have you done?!

Jesse stares at her deformed hair in the mirror almost crying as Gerti looks over her shoulder smirking.

GERTI
Just making the battle for Henry a little more fair.

Jesse spins around and slaps Gerti across the face. Gerti stumbles a step upsetting the vase even further.

JESSE
I was just trying to be nice. No man would ever want someone like you! Especially Henry!

GERTI
Maybe not, but with that haircut he won't want you either!

Jesse leaps at Gerti tackling her to the floor. They knock straight into the pedestal teetering the vase to a dangerous point. The two women roll on the ground fighting.

GERTI
You’ll never have him! You don’t deserve him.

JESSE
You crazy old bag! You ruined my hair.

Gerti holds the scissors threateningly.

GERTI
That’s not all I’ll ruin if you don’t let me go!

Jesse relents and quickly jumps up going for the front door.

JESSE
Fine, I’ll just tell Henry what happened and he’ll be sure to think you’re crazy too!

GERTI
No you won’t!

Jesse opens the front door just as Gerti dives at her legs, bumping the pedestal one last time on the way. The two women topple out onto the foyer. Both are shocked to see Henry Travers standing before Bob’s door which opens. Bob sticks his head out. The girls freeze.

BOB
Ladies. Come on in Henry.

As Henry enters he gives Bob a peck on the cheek. As he passes by the old ladies see Bob’s hand sneak out and pinch Henry’s backside. The women stare amazed just as...

CRASH! The vase shatters on the ground.


The women’s heads whip back toward the noise and then they gaze at each other sheepishly. There’s a moment of silence until Gerti and Jesse break out into laughter. Gerti helps Jesse to her feet.

JESSE
Maybe you could fix my bangs, Gerti?

GERTI
Definitely. But first I’ll get us both a nice stiff drink...


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